Posts by Rev Illuminatus Maximus
The Incredibly Strange Story of Intelligent Design
Reprint of an article originally published in New Dawn Magazine #97, expanded and revised with original illustrations. A fascinating survey of alternative human origins theories and their links to Gnostic mythology!
Read MoreThe Spelling Error
In an ancient monastery in a faraway place, a new monk arrived to join his brothers in copying books and scrolls in the monastery’s scriptorium. He was assigned as a rubricator on copies of books that had already been copied by hand. One day he asked Father Florian (the Armarius of the Scriptorium), "Does not…
Read MoreNone
Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said 'NIL.' White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity and The Blessed Emptiness. Morris turned to a white-robed observer beside him…
Read MoreIs God black or white?
A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?" After thinking a moment, his mother responds, Well, God is both male and female." This confuses the little boy so he asks, "Is God black or white?" "Well, God is both black and white." This further confuses…
Read MoreGod’s Promise
A hippie dies and goes to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter looks him up, and says, "I'm sorry, but you'll be going down to Hell." The hippie, astounded, peers through the gates and sees God walking in the distance. "God!" he says. "What gives? Remember that time I was tripping on acid? I saw you,…
Read MoreJesus fills in for St. Peter
Jesus decided to go say hi to his old buddy St. Peter, so he strolled out to the Pearly Gates and noticed a HUGE long line of people waiting to get in. St. Peter saw Jesus coming and said "Oh, thank goodness someone showed up! Listen, Jesus, there's a huge line of people out here,…
Read MoreThe Post Office
A minister asked a little boy how to get to the Post Office. After the little boy told him, the minister said, "Why don't you come to church tonight? I'm giving instructions on how to get to heaven." After thinking a minute, the boy replied, "I don't think so. You don't even know how to…
Read MoreFour Catholic Schoolgirls…
Four Catholic schoolgirls all die in a car accident. They wind up at the Pearly Gates, and St. Peter says: "You're all virgins, so I can let all of you in, but first I have to take your confessions. Tell me anything you've done that is impure." The first girl steps up and says, "St.…
Read MoreGod’s Vacation
God is tired, worn out. So he speaks to St. Peter, "You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?" St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Jupiter? It's nice and warm there this time of the year." God shakes His head before saying, "No. Too much gravity.…
Read MoreThe Confessional
Three men are outside the priest's confessional area talking about their sins while waiting for the priest to finish. One admits to beating his wife up; the second admits to gambling his wages away and the third admits to committing adultery with a woman from the parish. The adulterer goes into the box and admits…
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