God created Adam 6th day. He took a day off and looked at Eden, and found Adam was jerking off all day. Since God was not wise enough to create Evil yet, he couldn't kick him out of Eden. Instead he decided to give him a mate. He ripped off Adam's limb and Created Eve – he made a mistake: Eve was a man.

Next day he found Adam and Eve 69ing each other. He still didn't come up with the idea of evil so he desided to confiscate either of penis. Since Adam already has one less limb, He decided to take off Eve's penis. Since Eve's penis has no use for Him, he tured it into a snake and put it back the Eden. Adam and Eve were dismayed. Adam couldn't lick Eve's penis and Eve cannot come anymore.

"Look, Adam, it is my penis hanging on the tree!" Eve said pointing at the snake. "Let's get it back!" Adam replied happily. Adam grabbed the snake and tried to put it between Eve's legs. "Wait!" Shouted the snake–it got its own freedom and it didn't want to lose it. Snake begged them.

"But I'm horny!" Exclaimed Eve, with his libido hit his ceiling. The snake thought and thought, trying to escape from them. And it found the solution. "I got an idea", said snake, "Eat that fruit over there, Eve: Your penis will grow back". "Are you sure", said Eve doubtedly. "Of course I am. I have intelligence, you don't. Trust me"

Eve couldn't wait. "Awright". And she took the fruit, bit it, and swallowed. Snake grinned: Now they are as smart as I am so they can find their own solution of their own problem. "Adam, I feel strange!" Eve said panicky. "My penis stump is wet!" "Does it hurt?", Adam said worriedly, touching Eve's wet region. "Don't stop!" Eve shouted, feeling good. "Keep touching".

Adam was puzzled but kept touching the stum"Harder!" Said Eve. "Touch inside!" "But how–wow!" Adam realized his finger slipped inside. I didn't know the stump had a hole. It got wetter and wetter and Adam got horny.

"You look joyed. You look happier when I sucked your penis and you come inside my mouth!" Adam kept on, frustrated "But what am I gonna do? I have no hole like yours. You got to suck my penis but I think you are enjoying more than I come inside your mouth"

"Shut up!" Eve said breathlessly, "Stick something bigger!" "But what?" Adam questioned–He said to put something bigger but his fist is too big. His nose is smaller. He looked around his body. Wait, there it goes, "How about this?" He pointed his penis. "Whatever, hurry!" Eve couldn't stand it.

Adam pushed his penis inside Eve's hole. "That's it. It's good. Move it deeper!" Eve said excitedly. "I am Ay am Aaay aaam" Adam manage to respond, "I'm coming!" "Me toooo" And they reached to the climax and shouted together, "OH MY GOD!"

"Did you call me?" That was God. "What's up?" "Ah, it's great" they said, feeling relieved. "I never had such great orgasm, it's better than my hands or Eve's mouth", said Adam. "It's better than your mouth, too, Adam" Eve replied happily.

God became frustrated–why do they enjoy so much while I have to babysit them? "How did you find to enjoy so much?" "Or, it was him", Eve pointed snake, "He told me to eat the fruit over there so I can get my penis back. But instead I got a hole and it's great!" Now God was really angry: No only was he outjoyed by those his creatures but also he was outsmarted by the snake. His anger reached his ceiling.

"Get the hell out of Eden!" Shouted God. Puzzled, Adam said, "but what is hell?" "That's where you go, you goddemn little snake!" He pointed the snake. "How dare you got an idea I, God couldn't come up with!" shouted God. "Okay, since you showed your intelligence I'll give you another world you manage. That's hell. You manage that place forever!" And got sent the snake to hell.

"Excuse me!" Shouted the snake from Hell, "But this place has nothing to manage!" "Of course not: No one has ever been dead". God shouted back triumphantly. "But what's to be dead?" Asked the snake. God pointed out Adam and Eve, "That's what they and their children will be."

"I want to eat something sour," said Eve. "Or my god your tummy is swollen" Adam shouted, pointing Eve's belly. "Eve's got a child in her stomach", said God. "And from now on, you have to eat or you'll be dead and you'll go to hell. And you'll get children anytime you guys have fun! I put all you can eat out of Eden. Now get the Hell out of there!"

"I'm hungrrry" Eve started running away, chasing food. "Eve, wait!" Adam followed Eve, and eventuary they were out of Eden.

"Um, I feel better now," God said happily. "I didn't know it's so great to see them hugry and annoyed. Let's keep bugging them anytime I feel bad. They'll keep fucking and making lots of children. If there are too many children he can put some of them to Hell and it's none of his business anymore."

"Snake, you'll call yourself Devil from now on. Being a ruler of another world, I am sure you now know how I feel. Do them whatever you want to them. I'll do whatever I want and just ask me if you need more. After all I thank you for outsmarting me. Without you I wouldn't find how great it's to be…" God thought a little, "Call this feeling evil".

And Evil has been his best creation ever after.

About Rev Illuminatus Maximus

Welcome to GnosticShock.com, online home of occult researcher and visionary artist Rev. Illuminatus Maximus.


  1. I could only read a few sentences of this disgusting stuff. I was trying to be openminded and understanding your point. But there was no point. You were simply getting your rocks off being disrespectful of someone's spiritual truth. on November 6, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    I despise you and loath your tactics. Through your pictorialization of the foul bodily processes you eject as human nature, you turn humans into worse than animals. You are sick, incarnate and need to return to the sewer swamp you came from. Before you are ever ascended, you will have to return to your own vomit at least a hundred or more times, before it stinks so bad that it makes you sick yourself. RIght now you are glorifying yourself in your own cestpool. Get out of the mire son of darkness. The light is on you. People see you for what you are. Everyone knows the hole they have to climb out of. You don’t have to remind them. Spiritual people do not want to see the hole again. But you keep looking in. Disgusting!

  2. admin on November 8, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    Lighten up, Francis.

  3. godspeed2048 on March 14, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    That was quite possibly the stupidest, longest, most poorly-written, drawn-out excuse for a joke that I have ever seen in print.

    The only thing it really had going for it was that it bordered on being pornographic.

    As for this ‘Francis’ character…

    I pity you for thinking that sexuality and spirituality are somehow incompatible with each other. What’s worse, your rant on “sewers”, “vomit” and “mire” is FAR more disgusting to read.

    Seems like this site attracts a weird polarity of people:

    1) Cool, thoughtful people who come here to learn about and discuss gnosticism.

    2) Rabidly ardent, fundamentalist dingbats who come here to attack what they don’t understand.

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.